Stella and Stargazing

First of all, I'd like to say that I absolutely can't believe that it is February already... Time is flying by!
Things here are good as usual, though the "Peace Corps Guilt" is once again kicking in with full force. When we get together, we volunteers often talk about a somewhat pervasive, mostly self-imposed guilt that we feel when we're at our sites (or away from our sites, for that matter). It's simply the feeling that you're not "doing" enough work, or not integrating enough, to be considered a "good volunteer." The idea is totally unfounded, we know, but it's hard to feel like you're doing good work when you're sitting in your house munching on mangoes and reading a novel because it's just too hot to walk outside into the sun... Anyway, as my service continues, I'm continually having to remind myself that stressing out because I'm not changing lives daily or comparing my work to the work of other volunteers are not productive ways to pass the time. It is seriously difficult, but at the same time, I'm receiving an incredible amount of grace and support to get me through even the most difficult times.

As far as work goes, I've been busy planning for the next few months of work, which will mostly consist of continuing our 32 village HIV testing campaign, starting up a health club at the Gushie Primary School, and helping to train the members of the ITFC Health Committee so that their committee will be self-sustaining in the future. I've got a busy few months ahead of me, which I am both looking forward to and slightly nervous about, as usual. :)

The other day I was thinking about how I was feeling this time last year compared to the reality of being here now. Last February, I hardly had an idea of where I would be posted, or even if I would be receiving an invitation to join Peace Corps. I remember having some pretty grandiose ideas about what it would be like to be a PCV: living in a village, speaking the language, working on many projects, and having my heart warmed by the cute children. Looking back, I now realize that many of my expectations were far rosier than the reality of living here has turned out to be. Yes, I live in a village with no electricity and use a hole in the ground as a toilet, but it's rarely as self-sacrificing as it sounds. In reality, I am lucky to have semi-running water, to be within walking distance of a company where I can charge my electronic devices whenever I so desire, and to live literally right next to the best road in the Northern Region. Speaking the language is certainly not as glamorous as I thought it would be. Most days I barely struggle through more than a few sentences without having to search for someone who speaks English to translate for me. As far as the cute children go... well, they are pretty great, especially when they're calling out "Madam Kate! Madam Kate, how are you, I am fine, thank you!" (said in one fast, frantic, run-on sentence). But they're not quite as cute when they are peeking into your windows while you nap or demanding "Tim ma toffee!" (give me candy!) over and over again, despite the fact that you've told them 50 times in the past week, "CHELLA! N KA TOFFEE!!!!" (Stop it! I don't have candy!). All of this to say that living and working here is, in so many ways, not at all what I imagined it would be, and yet it's somehow so much more.

 Lately, I've been spending my evenings curled up reading a good book by candlelight with my kitty Stella flopped on my stomach sleeping. I doubt that I'll have too many other times in my life where I will have so much freedom to just relax and enjoy simple pleasures, so I'm trying to soak up these moments while I have an abundance of them. Another recent night time habit of mine has been to go stargazing, which always puts me in a better mood and makes me appreciate the beauty of the place I live in. The stars are incredibly intense, considering the fact that most nights are entirely cloudless and clear, and there are no lights in my village to obscure the sky. Once again, I realize that it is a rare gift to be able to enjoy moments like these in a place like this, and I'm trying to do my best to take the time and breathe in the beauty and simplicity of these moments.

As usual, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Much love from Ghana :)